DessieDiary

His confession that he's been in love with me for over 20 year, should be confirmation enough and give me a satisfaction that I've always known in my heart!! For some unknown reason, I wanted more!! (if I still lived in his city, I'm almost positive I would have had an affair)

During our 18 months "Email Affair" confession period, we emailed back and forth over 150 emails. Basically reconnecting!! (We even agreed to have dinner while I was in the States in May 2009 but never managed to hook up) 

I can't really explains what or why I was emailing an old lover. (the initial contact was a response to a tattoo my husband got against my wishes......I loathe tattoos, so this was sort of like a payback.....you hurt me, I hurt you......basically an eye for an eye) It was definitely one hell of an ego boost to know how Mr. B felt about me all these years!! 

It must have boosted his ego too, because he confessed that he would NEVER, ever remarry, then sometime near Christmas 2008 (that's when his emails slowed and became vague) he met a woman, which quickly headed him into his 3rd marriage. 

I don't begrudge him remarrying.  I believe everyone needs someone, but I would have liked him to be forthcoming and tell me what suddenly changed and caused all my confusion!! (what was most embarrassing, was Mr. B's first ex-wife was the one to give me the news of his nuptials. As our affair years ago happened while he was married to her, this news was like sticking the knife in my heart and twisting the blade, she seem to enjoy delivering it!! Like someway, it was her payback to me for ruining her marriage but that's a whole other blog)

So I sent him an email!! It was short and to the point (no grovelling) explaining how I saw him online and asked why he didn't chat to me!! It took him 1 day to reply (his quick reply was a massive shock!! I was under the assumption that he didn't read his emails often.)

He explained that "His Luna" was online using his account and I had surprised her and she quickly got offline, that's why he didn't reply to my chat, it wasn't him!! 

When I read this, I was even more confused!! I had absolutely no idea who the hell "His Luna" was. (Actually I thought he was calling his wife "His Luna" which was a dig at me, because in Spanish, Luna refers to the Moon......and during our "Email Affair" we made many references to the Moon & Stars aligning when "Our" time together again would happen ........just a bunch of mushy lovie shit!!)

I replied to his reply and questioned him if that was his wife's nickname. He emailed back (once again the next day......total shock) explaining that it was his 12 yr old step daughter. (Didn't I feel like a retarded goon........I didn't know he even had a step child. I should have figured his 3rd wife would have had some previous relationship baggage.....but I never thought that far into it)  

He assured me that he still wanted to keep in contact, which came as a relief!! (unfortunately I know he's just keeping me on the hook as some form of male torture!!)

Thankfully he was able to clear things up and relieve me from my obsessing. Now life can get back to normal!!