DessiesDiary

 My Life Before Kids

I was born in Baton Rouge, LA, in the USA. My dad was a Navy Sailor and my mother a Kiwi from New Zealand. We did our fair share of moving around......a lot!! I've lived in Queens, NY; Pensacola, FL; Midway Island, Hawaii; and up and down the California coast. My earliest memories are from when I attend a primary school in Christchurch, New Zealand. I lived there while my dad was stationed in Vietnam. Hawaii left a massive memory of beaches, and I lived there for 2, two year tours. The rest of my memories are from sixth grade onwards. When I was 10, we moved back to ChCh, New Zealand, where I attended Hillmorton High School and met my first boyfriend, David, whom I had my first kiss with (nothing special from what I can recall). Then my parents decided to make our final move to Albuquerque, New Mexico, where I attended Cibola High for 6 months before transferring to Highland High. This is where I finished my secondary education and began my life education. In year 10, I joined the Varsity Swim Team and competed for Highland as a state swimmer. In year 11, I tried out for the Highlander Drill Team (which is a cheerleader of sorts) and to my greatest surprise, made the team. This was a dream of about 250 girls at my school with only 12 making the cut. Year 12 was a drag!! Needed 2 credits to graduate, I attended day school for 1 credit, and night school for the other. This left me with the majority of my day free to find a job (which was handed to me by my dad at his construction company). During the summer between year 10 and 11, I met the man that would become my first husband. He was also student at Highland. We graduated on May 19, 1985; I turned 18 on June 7th that year and made my first big life mistake by getting marring on July 12, 1985. (I was in LOVE or so I thought, my mistake was that I was to young and didn't realise it)

My Life After Kids

My 1st marriage was turmoil! While I maintain that my husband was a "Good Guy", I couldn't bring it out in him. Me and him were like oil & water......we just didn't mix!  Somehow we believed a baby could make everything better. It did not bring us success but it did bring into this world the most beautiful son, whom I named Jason David (after my cousin and first boyfriend). Around my 21st birthday I fell in love with my "First True Love" though we were both married this made our love a dirty little secret and an affair. During this year and a half affair, I fell pregnant with his love child which I miscarried at 9 weeks pregnant, leaving a void in my life that I blame for my life long abuse of food.  I knew this affair was wrong but I could not stay in my loveless marriage, so I asked my lover to leave our lives behind and start anew. He was chicken through and through and refused to leave his wife and baby girl to which I offered to care for and love like her own mother. To this day he regrets his choice, or so his correspondence over the last 20 years states. Thus began the escape from my life. I left my lover, my husband, and my child in search of happiness. This search didn't take long and I relocated to Las Vegas, NV and began a new job. I spied my 2nd husband at a wonderland of senior citizens and his lack of English made the international language of love our first language. Our relationship flourished and before I knew it I was shedding tears of joy at the news of a second child. To my surprise and horror a second son was on it's way (My childhood dream of 3 daughters and no husband shattered) I was sure that this baby was going to be a beautiful blonde little girl.....he is definitely beautiful but no girl. The minor detail that I remained married to my 1st husband while having my soon-to-be, second husbands baby wreak havoc in my life which began the verbally & physically abuse. I responded by flying to my mothers (in Australia) to have our baby (He responded by getting involved with a local hood rat who subsequently fell pregnant with his love child). Adam Matthew was born in Sydney, Australia. My stay in Australia was short lived as I was purposed to over the phone which saw me head back to Las Vegas with a promise of no more abuse (to this day he has kept his promise)(upon our wedding day I was still in the dark about his love child) and we married on October 13, 1991. Life carried on though his love child secret was exposed and his family soon crossed our threshold and because my live-in extended family. This made my life a living hell and I continued to eat & gamble my troubles away!! My weight top out at 415 pounds which is 189 kilos. I soon became desperate for a little girl. We sought professional fertility help to achieve my little girl dreams and was told that I would need to loose a drastic amount of weight before I would fall pregnant. Thankfully and to my relief, I fell pregnant after a small weight loss. This pregnancy was plagued with complication after complication due to my enormous size. The doctors monitored the baby closely and to my elation a late ultrasound confirmed that I would have the little girl I longed for. Sarah Ellen was born (though she wasn't the blonde of my dreams she was the prettiest little Eskimo I'd ever laid eyes on, this was due to her mixed cultures)

OUR BIG MOVE

After the birth of our daughter it was time that I made a choice to extend my life by seeking medical help for my obesity. I battled our HMO health insurer to no avail (them bastards just didn't give a shit about me.....they only cared about our fortnightly payment). So my mother told me that if we moved our family to Australia that the Australian health system would help me and I could have a gastric bypass. So in July 2000 our family made the move of a life time. We packed our life into 7 suitcases and sold or gave away the rest of our belongings and moved to Australia. This move saved my life.....literally!! And so began my skinny life (not so skinny but way skinner than before). To my horror a surprise 4th pregnancy was on the way. My beautiful 2nd daughter Rachelle Louise was born with a massive 7 year gap. To say that this pregnancy was a surprise is an grossly exaggerated understatement but I love her, non the less, she is a beautiful soul. This blog is starting out a few years late as we've been in Australia for 9 years now but my confidence is souring and I want to blog, blog, blog my ass off. Also, I've recently become the proud owner of a MacBook Pro Laptop so my computer world has changed and with my fantastic teacher and best fag friend I'm learning how to be a Macintosh user. I hope you enjoy my blogs and website and I look forward to your comments and criticism. Can you do me a favour and be nice cause mean people suck!!  

OPERATIONS CHANGE LIVES

Sometime in early 2008 my husband got a much desired tattoo.....to my disgust! You see, I loath tattoo's and I was very angry at my husband for even considering one. Of course he disregarded my feelings completely and proceeded with a tattoo of the "Virgin Mary" over the entire back area. (Who has to see his naked back.....that would be me!!) So in my cloud of anger, I went looking for my "First True Love" on the internet. I was able to locate his sisters address and decided to send him an "Old Fashioned" letter through the Australian snail mail service. This letter was basically a "Hello, How ya' doing" letter with my internet contact details like my email and Facebook information. To my surprise and shock he responded and got in contact. This contact began a year long exchange of emails. We spoke of our regrets and desires for the future which turned out to be similar. My nieces year 12 graduation was looming so I suggested to my husband that now would be a perfect time for a trip home to visit his family and for me to attend the graduation, which happened to be in the same city. So the trip was set only thing left was to have a tummy tuck done to take care of some unwanted left over baggage from my weight loss. Piece of cake. The surgery was performed in February 2009 and our travel plans were for May 2009. Now I don't want any of you to think that I was considering cheating on my husband but I would have liked to laid my eyes on my "First True Love", just to see if the flame still burned for him. As it turned out my visit was cut short and I did not hook up or  see him which leaves some unresolved issues which will probably haunt my dreams giving me lots of material to blog about so stay tuned and enjoy my torment!!